Utter Drivel From Cumbria ツ

fun wiv fonniks

2012-01-29T16:19:00.007Z

i yam a likul infunt
oos lurnin howta reed
me teechurs wurkin veree ard
too elp me too sukseed
iym awlso lurnin ritin
and howta spel me naym
but fonniks is kwite difikult
cos sownds arnt speld the saym

... bye jonifun ayg 6

JH
Copyright © 2012 Jonathan Humble

Glad To Be A Dalek

2012-01-11T17:06:00.004Z

I'm not your av'rage Dalek,

You know the sort I mean,

All bent on domination;

Giving vent to all that spleen.

I like to think I'm diff'rent

From other Dalek crew,
Who keep emotions hidden
While exterminating you.
I don't agree with killing,
With plans to subjugate.
The Universe is lovely
And I find it hard to hate.
In fact, I've got my own plan;
I'm working from within!
I'm teaching other Daleks
How to knit and sew and spin.
I run a secret workshop
Where Daleks can relax

And find their inner Dalek;

Get the monkey off their backs.

We try to be creative;

To make things, not destroy.

I run a Dalek choir

Learning Ludwig's 'Ode To Joy'.

So if you see a Dalek

In homeknit wool poncho,

Don't run off in a panic,

Come across and say 'Hello!'

The Haggis Botherer

2011-12-23T20:13:00.005Z

Beware the haggis botherer,

It lurks where none can see,

And bides its time quite patiently,

Be-sporraned near Dundee.

It stalks its prey most doggedly,

And tramps the purple heather,

In wellies worn below the knee

In dreadful scottish weather.

The haggis grazing in the wild,

No notion of its fate,

Will chomp away quite merrily,
Until it's all too late.
In blur of knee and sporran
Ends this tale of life and death,

And amidst the lowland drizzle

Haggis takes its final breath.

But botherers are rare now,

Their prey is often farmed.

And numbers are adwindling

To naturalists' alarm.

So be aware you tourists

Of haggis sold in shops,

You might be taking food away

From baby botherers' chops.